one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
