I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
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when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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