He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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