We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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