There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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