i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
