Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize