$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
