I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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