Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
