i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
