So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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