it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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