He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
