Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
