Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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