i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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