its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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