she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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