i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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