if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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