I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
