Your dad touched me again.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Less talking, more tequila
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
