I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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