She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
