Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
