When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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