Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
