what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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