Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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