True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
