he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
