the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
