I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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