I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
