do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
