oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
