I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
