1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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