they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Randomize
