Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
