I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
