It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
