wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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