Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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