i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
