Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize