there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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