he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
