We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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