i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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