Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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