it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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