I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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