So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
