He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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