I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
