reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She's like a pop up book from hell.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
