Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
