We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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