i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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