I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
