i will never coherently bang her
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
