I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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