also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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