if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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