I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
