Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
