I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
