Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
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I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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