High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
