I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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