tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
