something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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