you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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