Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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