whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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