Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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