I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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