Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
