The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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