We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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