Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
