I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
